


Hourglass of Faustian Sands

by AmateurScribes



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Faustian Bargain, Kinda, M/M, Manipulation, Medical Conditions, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Unreliable Narrator, but come on y'all should have expected that to be a tag, that's the most important tag to this fic guys, they're all idiots who know jack shit about what's going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15846174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmateurScribes/pseuds/AmateurScribes
Summary: Two moments converging into each other-Donut swings down the hammer-Grif aims his gun to shoot-One is faster than the other, and not for the better.





	1. A Ripple in the Pond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many goddamn wips, but I could not wait to write this story so I'm just jumping aboard and posting it now! I have quite a few chapters drafted up so this one should be easy to write hopefully. No beta for this chapter as I couldn't get in contact with either of my usual's so all mistakes are mine!

_"Why would I want to stop you, Grif?"_

Genkins voice echoes in his head as he races down the corridors, chest pounding from exertion as he pushes himself as fast as he can possibly go. His muscles ache as he thunders down the hallway, trying to go just a _little bit fucking faster for the love of God._ That fucking _maniac_ of an AI had played him like a goddamn fiddle and if he didn't hurry then everything would go to shit.

_"With Washington and Locus on your side, Temple will go down before he even turns on the time machine."_

He should have fucking insisted that they didn't go back in time, he just fucking knew that it would have goddamn consequences. But no, he didn't argue because a seven against one fight didn't seem all that fair to Grif. He should have listened to Huggins, should have listened to the Cosmic Powers.

Fucking hell, they- all of them- should have listened to _Wash._

_"And you and your friends will never time travel in the first place!"_

His vision starts to fade and he's starting to feel light-headed, but he doesn't stop- he can't _fucking stop._ He would give anything to take a break, he's not made for running like this, but he pushes onwards instead. Because the fate of the goddamn universe is weighing on his shoulders, and he'd be damned if he didn't do anything to prevent the colossal fuck up the other Reds and Blues were about to commit.

_"Burrowing through time weakens it, sure. And changing history cracks it a little."_

He was starting to think that he had taken some sort of wrong turn somewhere, like an idiot, when he spots a glimpse of color towards the end of the corridor. He doesn't know how, but he's filled with a boost of adrenaline and he hurries the fuck over there before they fucking-

_"But nothing shatters time-_

He hasn't even exited into the hanger before he's screaming, _"DON'T!"_

_-like a paradox!"_

He claws at the wall trying to catch his breath as he watches in horror as Carolina raises her gun to take aim. His vision starts to tunnel and every part of him feels _numb_ because she's _not listening-_

And before he even realizes what he's doing, he's raising his own gun but he's not even aiming at Carolina-

* * *

_The Hammer slams down onto the chassis that holds back the titan, and in that second Donut is blasted far away, the Hammer crumbling into fragments from the sheer ferocity of the swing._

_But it did its job and reinforced the cage-_

* * *

He screams-

_"NO!"_

and fires.

The Blue Soldier crumbles dead at Carolina's hands-

_"We only fight and take lives when we have to-"_

But time doesn't freeze or fade or crack the universe in half or into tiny pieces or anything of that sort.

Because at the same time Wash sways and falls down from a bullet as well.

And even though time itself doesn't freeze, Grif feels like hell just might have frozen over-

* * *

_"And changing history cracks it a little."_

_And just like that, the cage cracks just a tad_.

* * *

In the chaos of the past Reds and Blues rushing to the fallen Wash they don't notice the cries of the doppelgangers off in the corner where the bullet originated.

The present Reds and Blues, on the other hand, noticed and turned towards Grif who stood still from where he had paused in his rush to warn them. Only he was still pointing his gun towards Wash and had yet to lower the gun, painting him as the culprit.

It briefly ran through Grif's head that he should turn around and fucking run, but he continued to stand frozen, shocked by what he himself had done.

It's only when Carolina's fist smashes into his visor does he stumble backward deeper into the corridor.

"Carolina wait! I can explain-" he tries to get out, but she cuts him off as she grabs his chest plate and slams him into the wall.

"What the _fuck_ have you just done," she hisses.

There's little protest as the SIM Troopers start to crowd around her. Tucker storms up right next to her, fists curling as he just barely refrains from beating the shit out of Grif. Which, for right now, Grif can appreciate this.

"I just saved all our collective asses," Grif grounds out, only for Carolina to slam him into the wall again. "OW! It's the truth!"

"You didn't save anybody!" Tucker yells. "You did the exact opposite of that! You attacked Wash- we came here to _save him!"_

Grif rolls his eyes despite knowing that Tucker wouldn't be able to see it. "No, you came here to destroy the timeline by causing a paradox! Which, is something we've been told _many_ times!"

Tucker groans, "You can't seriously tell me you _believe_ all that! We've been dicking around with time and nothing bad actually happened, the Cosmic Powers were probably just-" he pauses as a thought goes through his head. "Are you working for them," he accuses.

Grif only tilts his head slightly, wary that Carolina could retaliate at any sort of movement that he'd make. "What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?"

The tension leaks out of Tucker at his 'revelation' and his fists uncurl only so that he can jab his finger against Grif's chest plate. "That lens flare thing convinced you to sabotage our mission on the inside while it spied on us!"

"Don't bring Huggins into this, she had nothing to do with your collective stupidity," Grif growled out while he glared at Tucker.

"You had gotten awful chummy with it," Tucker continued.  

"She has a name," Grif said, and not even the warning of Carolina adjusting her grip against him could silence him. "And stop calling her a fucking _it!"_

"We don't have time for this," was the only warning Grif got before Carolina tossed him away like a piece of garbage. It fucking hurt, but at least he wasn’t being held up by a Freelancer anymore. "Simmons, open up another portal _now."_

Simmons fidgeted with the time gun but didn't automatically obey the command. "I- I don't think we can- we _can't-"_

"What do you mean we can't," she bit out.

"We would have done it by now if we did," Simmons argued. "That- it'd be a paradox!"

"Oh, now you understand the concept of a paradox!" Grif said as he started to pick himself up _and away from_ the currently agitated group of idiots.

"Shut up, Grif!" Tucker threatened, stepping towards him.

"Hey, you don't get to speak to Big Bro that way," Kaikaina said as she stepped slightly between the two.

"Oh, so now you're on _his_ side," Tucker said.

Pushing him she hissed, "There are no sides."

"Simmons," Carolina stepped towards him. "This is for _Wash_ now you can either open the portal or give _me_ the gun."

Simmons looked down at the gun, conflicted, but knowing that either way that portal would be opened he started to hand it over to her.

But Grif got to it first, his hand clamping down on it and jerking it out of Simmons' hands.

"I can't let either of you do that," he stated, backing away from the group.

Only the distinctive hum of the activation of an energy sword warned him to move out of the way as Tucker lunged at him, sword in hand.

Grif had to fumbled to get out his own sword and activate it before Tucker could strike again. With another strike both of their swords collided, Grif's slightly put off kilter as Tucker put as much force as he could with each swipe of his sword.

None of the other Reds or Blues attempted to interfere, and they didn't really need to as it was clear who was overpowering who.

Grif's sword may have given him a slight distance advantage-

_"I wish for an energy sword just like Tucker’s! But longer!"_

-but he was _no fucking master at any type of sword-based combat._

Tucker on the other hand?

He had been training with the damn thing for years.

And Grif knew that there was _no fucking contest on who would win this._

"Fuck," Grif managed to get out while dodging another strike. "Tucker just fucking listen to me!"

"Why would I listen to a traitor?! I knew we shouldn't have trusted you after you _abandoned us!"_ Tucker said as he grew more ferocious with his swings.

"Because this isn't you!" Grif yelled. "This is some fucking side effect of overexposure to time traveling! The same thing probably happened- fuck would you stop, _for just a fucking second!-_ the same thing happened to Doc."

"And we're just supposed to believe you?" Tucker snorted, before aiming again. "You probably set him up or something _seeing as you were the last person to see him,_ which by the way, that practically screams suspicious!"

"Oh for the love of-" Grif gets cut off as he almost trips in his attempt to dodge. "You're a goddamn shisno!"

_"My species’ myths always warned that time travel warps weaker minds, drawing them in by offering them the ability to fix their mistakes. If you give in to it too deeply, you become a shisno—an agent of Chrovos!"_

"Please, as if we haven't heard that word over the years- or did you just forget about the time we spent at the desert temple," Grif could practically hear Tucker rolling his eyes as he said.

He was quickly tiring out, and he knew that he couldn't just hand over the time gun to them, but they weren't _listening_ to him so how was he supposed to just convince them that-

His thoughts are shattered when he's jolted by the feeling of fire in his stomach and someone screaming underwater? No that doesn't sound right, but then what-

He looks down to see the cascade of blue from Tucker's energy sword embedded into his chest. He only blinks as he vaguely feels his energy sword deactivate at the same time that the blue disappears from view.

His vision becomes foggy and he can vaguely see a yellow and red blur tackle Tucker down, as well as voices, fading in and out but he can't seem to focus on _any of that-_

Reeling backward, his hands clutching at where he'd been stabbed. He hears the muffled clatter of something on the ground and he can't even feel the extra pressure being lifted from his back- _did the time gun fall it must have fallen because he's still holding his deactivated sword so that didn't fall-_

His foot catches on a cable strewn on the ground and he can't keep his balance as he feels the world start to tip as everything starts to become tunneled.

There are voices screaming his- screaming his name-

_"GRIF-"_

He's falling but he doesn't even feel the ground-

* * *

His eyes flutter open, before shutting firmly again as his head pounds. Groaning, he rolls over slightly and tries to will away the pressure against his temples. Only when it has slightly lessened does he open his eyes again.

Only to be greeted with nothing. For a second he thinks there's something wrong with his HUD because the thought that something has happened to his _eyes for fuck's sake_ is- no, he's not going to think about that- but shoots that idea down as he can still see all the standard pop-ups.

He turns his head slightly and manages to get a faint glimpse of some sort of platform beneath him- which, thank _fuck_ that he can see something, he counts as a lucky break. He manages only barely to push himself up into a crawl, fumbling the further away his head got away from the floor.

But then he realizes that, wherever he is, is so fucking dark that he can only see what's _directly_ in front of him.

Grif's not afraid of the dark, the concept of the dark itself is not scary in the slightest. It's the shit that hides in the dark that's fucking horrifying. Like bats.

At that slight reminder, he is filled with fear because how the fuck can he know if there are bats or not if he can't even _see what's in front of him?_ He recoils at the very thought that he could be surrounded by those fucking gremlin _demons_ and he's not hyperventilating and even if he was it would be justified because there could be fucking bats-

_"My child, I've long awaited your arrival."_

And all immediate thoughts about _bats of all things_ are ground to a halt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going to be _wild_ and the most important thing to note is that the only people who are ever going to know the full details of the events are both me and you guys, the readers. Everything is not as it seems, and don't trust what is _said_ since it might not be truthful all the time.
> 
> I'm sure we all thought Grif was gonna shoot Wash in the finale, so this fic is going to explore that, the concept of turning shisno, as well as the lore of both Huggins' people and who Chrovos and the Cosmic Powers are.
> 
> If you have any questions, my Tumblrs are: @agent-murica (main) and @amateurscribes (writing)!


	2. Abandon Your Morals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grif wakes up.
> 
> Donut opens his eyes.
> 
> Simmons sees snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to focus on some prompts and Not So Mundane, so there won't be any upcoming updates, but I got too excited and finished the second chapter way ahead of my schedule! Once again, my Beta's are unavailable, so all mistakes are my own!

Grif freezes at the sound of the voice, still grasping at the platform beneath him. He strains his ears to hear any sort of sign that there's something else in the room with him, but he can only hear himself breathing.

"Come to me, my son," the voice continues. "While the path is not illuminated, it is still present."

He raises an eyebrow at that and makes the rational decision to just _ignore_ the voice at the moment and focus on getting up without tumbling back down like an idiot. Palms flat against the floor he makes sure to center himself, pushing up and sliding his knee under his chest to balance.

Once he has both feet firmly planted on the ground, he raises out of his crouch arms extended in front of him in case he falls back down. He stands there, unable to see the floor anymore, and slowly turns his head to find any sort of light source.

In the distance, he can only vaguely make out a blob of bright light, but he can't see anything beyond or in front of it.

"This way," the voice chimes, then says nothing more.

"Yeah ok," Grif mutters. "Just walk out into the endless void, listen to the random voice- not like that's _ever_ led you wrong before."

But seeing as it was either stay in one spot for the rest of time or go on a whim and listen to the disembodied voice, Grif reluctantly took one step towards the far away light. Slowly he reaches out and toes the ground just to make sure that there _is_ ground, he takes a deep breath and moves forward.

He could probably move faster, but fuck that- he'd rather make the fucking voice wait however long than just walk off a goddamn cliff in his haste to get over there quicker.

Grif doesn't know where to look considering that if he tried to look down to make sure he knew where he was going, he'd only see fucking shadows settle over the lower half of his body making it fade out and blend into the void- and that in of itself is enough to give anyone nightmares.

He already hated everything about wherever he was.

Soon enough he reached another platform, this one making soft clicks as he steps on it. The mass of light that he had seen before is much brighter now that he's closer to it, but he can also see that it's less of an accumulation of light but rather a glowing amalgamation of gears and cogs.

That immediately makes him wary, so he decides to be rational and stay as _far away from it as possible, thank you very much._

"You have nothing to fear, Grif," the voice said as the soft whirs of the... _thing_ in front of him turned.

"Yeah, well I'll be the judge of that," Grif said as he looked at the center of the- fuck it he was gonna call the damn thing a cloc-

His eyes widened in realization. His hand reached behind him to grab his DMR only to swipe at empty air. Startled he moved backward, only for his foot to tilt downwards ever so slightly, causing him to panic and stumble forward instead.

The clock continued to turn and it's tone never changed out of its monotony, "What startles you so?"

"Cut the crap," he snaps. "You may have fooled Donut- not that it's hard to do that- but none of your manipulation shit will fly by me, _Chrovos."_

"So you know my name," Chrovos said. "Then there should be no need of introductions then, seeing as my wayward creations have informed you of me already. And I already know who you are of course."

Grif sneered as he stood away from the titan. "They warned me of you, yeah."

Though, he was slightly puzzled. The Cosmic Powers had said that they trapped Chrovos in a treadmill- the thought of such an _inhumane_ prison still makes him shiver in a mix of disgust and fear- yet the thing in front of him did not look _anything_ like a treadmill. It didn't even come close to looking like one.

Grif tried to focus on staring at the center but he started to get dizzy even trying, and just gave up assuming that it was some sort of magic ward or something to prevent lowly mortals from looking at the real cage.

"Now, now," Chrovos tsked. "My little creations certainly gave you a biased view of myself. They plotted against their maker, of course, they would think so lowly of myself."

Rolling his eyes, Grif reached for his side clip hoping that maybe he hadn't lost his sword. "Likely story, seeing as they have kept the universe safe this long, I doubt they did it just for shits and giggles."

His hand groped at nothing, and he furrowed his brow. He was sure that he hadn't lost his sword, hell he hadn't even... hadn't used it recently-

"Have you forgotten so easily, my child?" Chrovos questioned. "You lost your sword when you fought your friends. Don't you remember this?"

At that suddenly it all comes rushing back to Grif; the fight, Carolina threatening him, _shooting Wash, getting stabbed-_

His hands slam against his stomach, in remembrance. How he hasn't bled out yet baffles him-

"I healed you of course," Chrovos breaks through his panic. "As much as it pains me when my children _fight_ I couldn't leave you to die, it would be unjust. It is not your time."

The fact that this titan healed him doesn't make him relax in the slightest. "And what, now I owe you a debt for saving my life?"

"Of course not!" The gears continued to turn, as it's glow starts to dim slightly. "It will always be my pleasure to save my children."

"If you're talking about Donut, you should probably add in the part where you're the reason why he needed 'saving' in the first place," Grif glared as he said that, wary at where this conversation could possibly lead.

He wasn't going to trust the titan before him even _if_ the slimy bastard saved his life.

"And who told you this? Those malfunctioning Cosmic Powers?" Chrovos had a gossamer of disappointment in his voice. "I don't understand your blind trust in them. They murdered your friend after all."

What.

Oblivious to how Grif became tense, Chrovos continued. "What was her name? I simply have so many children to keep track of you must understand. Now let's see, Huggins was it?"

Grif blinks rapidly as what he's being told sets in. "What happened to her?" he manages to blurt out, amidst his shock.

"Oh you don't know," he feigned surprise. "After your decision to time travel to save your friend, she informed the so-called Cosmic Powers of your transgressions. They were furious, and since she vouched for you all, well, she took the brunt of their anger."

The air is stolen out of his lungs and he's finding it hard to concentrate and breathe-

"I felt my heart bleed for her, the poor thing, she was terrified," Chrovos muses. "It was her one fear after all-"

"I don't believe you," Grif cuts him off. "I- you're _lying."_

The- the fucking thought that she- that Huggins is _fucking dead-_

The goddamn audacity to even _lie_ about it boils his blood-

The clicks and whirs infuriate him even more, but he keeps himself from trying to lash out, even as the titan continues, "I could show you if you don't believe my words."

Grif's- he doesn't want to-

_But he has to know for sure._

Grif curls his fist as he grits out, "Show me."

No more words are spoken by Chrovos as a portal manifests itself in front of Grif. It's fraying at the edges and it glitches briefly, but it doesn't deteriorate the image of Huggins- of her getting sucked into some kind of _black hole._

Instinctively he reaches out to grab her, but some type of barrier blocks his hand as it smacks against it.

"Do you believe me now, my child," Chrovos speaks up. "Or do you need to see it again, to make sure?"

Before Grif has the chance to say yes or no, the portal loops itself back to the beginning, making him watch it _again._

He watches as Huggins tries to escape and he can't hear what she's saying but he just knows that she's _screaming-_

There's nobody else in view of the portal it's just Huggins getting pulled-

"You shouldn't listen to everything the Cosmic Powers tell you," breaks through his thoughts.

-to her death over and over again because the portal hasn't disappeared yet and _why hasn't it disappeared yet-_

"They don't care about the lives of others, it's simply not in their programming."

-he just wishes that there wasn't a barrier between him and her because he desperately wants to, he just wants to _fucking save her life-_

"Unlike them, I care about all my children, Grif."

_-he would do anything to save her life-_

"I could save her," Chrovos muses.

Grif snaps his head towards the clock at that.

Seeing that he had Grif's attention he continued, "I don't have much energy left, you must understand this, but I can save her life if you agree to help me."

His hand is resting against the barrier as he looks at the titan, the only thing that can center him at the moment. He needs to think this through as best as he can he can't just agree-

"Save her," he demands.

The portal closes in on itself in a snap, and before he can accuse Chrovos of being a lying bastard there's a small spark of light floating amidst the void. No bigger than his nail, the little bit of light flutters towards the ground, barely capable of keeping itself afloat.

There's no need to dive to catch it, Grif simply reaches out his cupped hands and the spark hovers lightly above his palms. Pulling her closer to himself, he's horrified at how small Huggins is, her light dim and not nearly as bright as it was the last time he saw her.

The glow around the clock dims slightly as well, but Grif couldn't give a shit about that when he had Huggins _alive, but just barely and why was she so small-_

"My apologies, my child," Chrovos says, and despite having dimmed his voice still stays strong. "I only had enough energy to pull her away at the last minute."

"Will she be ok?" Grif glances down at her. She hasn't murmured a single sound at all, not a peep has come out of her.

Huggins was supposed to be chatty she wasn't meant to be so quiet-

"Of course she will, all in due time," Chrovos reassures. "Were there more cracks in this cage I could leak out more energy to fasten her healing. But perhaps that can be arranged in our deal?"

That startles Grif slightly, and he turns forward towards the titan instead of the little huddle he had done around the dimmed being of light.

Fuck. He had been so concerned- and fucking relieved because she was alive- with Huggins he had forgotten what it took to get her back.

"Right, fuck there's no avoiding this," Grif muttered, looking down at his hands where Huggins was hovering. Chrovos had kept up his end of the bargain after all, and Grif wasn't going to risk him taking Huggins away from him for not agreeing to help him.

"But there's going to be terms and limits," he sternly added.

"Of course, whatever makes you more comfortable," Chrovos easily responded. "You may set your terms first."

Grif took a second to think- _really think-_ about what his first priority would be, but a small glance at Huggins settled his resolve more. He thought about it, and he could only think of three major things that he wanted to stipulate.

"First things first," he starts. "I'm only going to help you for as long as it takes you to heal Huggins. As soon as she's able to get around on her own without a crutch I'm done working with you."

The whirrs of the cage fill the silence as Grif waits for a response, but he gets none so he continues, "Second, I won't help you out with hurting anybody and I'm certainly not going to attack the Cosmic Powers even- _even if_ they," he cuts himself off by looking at the dimmed being in his hands, "They _hurt_ Huggins. If I attack them it'll be of my own will, not yours."

"Lastly," he takes in a depth breath. "Under no circumstances will I cause a _paradox,_ I'm not that big of an idiot to destroy the time stream. I'll dick around in time to create- what, _cracks?-_ in your cage, but that's it; nothing more."

"All in due time, I suppose," Chrovos muses.

Grif narrows his eyes at that, but deigns not to comment on it, and opts to say, "So it's a deal then, right? I help you, you help Huggins?"

Grif has no reason to believe any of the shit coming out of the titan's mouth- doesn't have a reason to believe that he'll uphold his end of the bargain.

But fuck, he'd already agreed to help out this prick when he chose to save Huggins.

Glancing down he knows he'd do it again, no matter the cost.

"Anything for any of my children. Now," Chrovos paused, Grif guessed it was purposeful for dramatic effect. "To finalize the deal, simply touch one of the cogs of the cage. It will make the deal binding, so that neither I nor you can break any of the conditions, as a sort of assurance if you would."

Normally, Grif wouldn't take the deal- wouldn't bind himself to something like that.

But in this pocket space, there was nothing in his way from shuffling close enough to the cage to reach out to lightly press against the turning cogs.

His hand burned slightly on contact, needles pricking his skin beneath his Kevlar gloves.

And he just knows he made a deal with the devil.

* * *

He wasn't expecting the force from the impact of the Hammer to blow him away, so when he opened groggy eyes to find himself staring up at the towers of New Armonia, he was _very_ surprised.

But not as surprised as he was to see that he had landed in front of Agent Washington!

"Wash," Donut exclaims, happy to see a familiar face after the nightmare of a fight he had with Doc.

But then he remembers the way Wash had stormed off after finally being told about the extent of his injuries.

Which makes him remember how he had, well _justifiably_ after the comments the others had made about him, stolen the Hammer with the intents to give it to Chrovos.

It was only at the last possible minute did he reflect upon what _he_ thought was right, instead of what he was told was the right thing to do.

And he feels a little bit of shame, but now he has more of a resolve to make things right. With the gang and with himself.

"Donut?" Wash sounds freaked out, which admittedly he should since Donut did just pop up out of nowhere. "What just happened, you were blown onto the sidewalk from a portal that disappeared just as quickly as you appeared!"

"Now _that_ is a good question!" He chirps as he picks himself up off the ground. Wash reaches out a hand to steady him, to which Donut gladly takes. "I don't know where that Donut-Hole came from, but last I remember I was hammering down into Chrovos!"

"Oh," Wash suddenly sounds a lot more somber as he looks away from Donut. "So you guys did it, huh? Saved the day once more?"

He deflates a little, the guilt coming back. "Well, not exactly," he trailed off.

Donut wasn't going to lie to Wash, there'd be no point. At some point, he was gonna hear about Donut's choice to betray the gang, and well he'd rather it be from _his_ mouth than anybody else's.

"Huh," Wash sounds confused, looking back at Donut. "What do you mean by that?"

"After, you're- well, you know," Donut mumbled, not wanting to bring up a sore topic in front of Wash. "I sorta took off with, well _the Hammer,_ since Chrovos had convinced me to do it beforehand, but..."

"I didn't do it," Donut admits. "I reflected and well- you guys are my _friends_ even though we all suck at communication. I wasn't just gonna side with the villain because you guys are more abrasive than compassionate."

Wash says nothing in response, so Donut decides to continue, "I tried to stop him, but then O'Malley stopped me and we got into this whole big fight! And I had to leave Doc behind, but I did it. I used the Hammer against Chrovos and I reinforced the cage again. Now... I'm here."

Donut fears for a second that Wash's silence means that he's disappointed in him, but then Wash speaks up, "Well, you haven't done anything worse than I did- at least you didn't shoot anyone."

Donut quirks a smile at that, and he's thankful that Wash doesn't think lesser of him.

"We should probably get you back to the others though," Wash adds. "That way you can explain yourself to them."

Donut can hear the obvious removal of Wash from that scenario, but he wasn't going to let that slide by. "You're coming back to the others with me, right Wash?"

Hesitantly, Wash grips the back of his neck. "Look, I've had more time to calm down, but I don't think I'm ready to forgive Carolina, yet."

"Plus," Wash pauses, mulling over his words. "I'm not sure how much use I can be to you guys," he says bitterly.

Donut can hear the self-hatred in that statement.

He hears it because he's said and felt the same- alone, in the comfort of his room, the phantom pain of a grenade blasting against the side of his helmet.

And he's not gonna let Wash feel the same.

"Wash," he moves and grabs Wash by the hands. "You think a little brain damage is gonna make us think less of you?"

Wash doesn't rip his hands from Donut's grip, but he sighs in response. "Look, Donut. I'm not afraid to point out my flaws, unlike other people. I know I'm a liability at best to the team, I'll only pull you guys down. I'm broken."

"That's utter nonsense and you know it, Wash!" Donut huffs, squeezing Wash's hands lightly. "We're all a little broken then- we're all mismatched, and we shouldn't be able to do the things we do, but well we _do._ Because we're the Reds and Blues, Wash," letting go of his hands, Donut moves back to place his hands at his hips. "And that includes you."

"Thanks, Donut," Wash says in earnest. "But I really don't think it's that simple."

Frowning slightly, he asks with hope tinged in his voice, "Consider it at least?"

A moment of silence, but Wash nods his head, agreeing, "I'll consider it."

Donut will take it for now.

"And," Wash tacts on. "I'll come with you to find the Reds and Blues. They're probably still at Starseeds, and you could use someone to vouch for you."

Donut just can't help himself as he launches at Wash, catapulting him into a hug. Slowly, Wash reciprocates the hug, reaching around Donut.

Wash is hurting, and so is Donut, and probably the rest of the gang.

But they're the Reds and Blues, they can bounce back from anything.

"I'm sure everything's going fine with the other's," Donut says as he leans out of the hug.

* * *

Simmons feels like the rug has been violently ripped out from underneath him. He feels like he can't breathe and he collapses in on himself after being shocked frozen and he screams as he sees Grif tumble back-

_"GRIF!"_

And somebody else is screaming too and somebody has already tackled Tucker, and he hears a gun cocking because somebody is now aiming their shotgun at Carolina, but all he can see is Grif falling backward-

_and he's gone._

There's snow bleeding into the edge of his vision and he's so cold now because he can't do anything and this time he didn't reach out to grasp for Grif's hands. This time there was no edge for Grif to cling to, something to stop him from falling-

Because he's already _fallen_ and the ground has disappeared from under him.

Simmons doesn't know what to do.

He feels cold.

And he can see the snow against the metal flooring.

But he can't see the cliff.

_He can't see Grif._

_Because Grif is gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stipulations of the deal are very important, as word choice is _everything_. Chrovos is a massive manipulator, but he also learns from his mistakes and he's not gonna make the same mistake twice so you'll notice he's gonna take some extra precautions when dealing with Grif.
> 
> The relationship between Donut and Wash is also very important to this fic, I'm gonna try my best to not gloss over Wash's own frustrations with his condition and Donut is gonna try his best to show empathy with Wash. This season opened a lot of possibility for these two to bond that I'm hoping to explore. There isn't a quick fix to how Wash feels about himself and his brain damage, a theme that will be revisited.
> 
> If you have any questions, my Tumblr is: @agent-murica (main) and @amateurscribes (writing)!


	3. In Place of Guilt, We Feel Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grif talks while Huggins heals.
> 
> Donut plans with Wash.
> 
> And Simmons places the blame on the ones who deserve it the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, even I'm surprised that I managed to get another update out. It must be that new season high ammiright? Well, in any case, this chapter is 100% dedicated to my lovely friend luvgalaxu on Tumblr, whose birthday was recently, and she asked for the next chapter of this fic. To which I complied immediately! I actually have a lot of excitement for this fic again, so we'll see where it goes. This is un'beta'd so all mistakes are my own!
> 
> There are no major spoilers for the first episode of season 17, however, I introduced just one central piece of information and will update all my pre-written chapters in accordance with this.

"So, what now," Grif asks after the deed was done.

"Whenever you are ready, I will see to it that you have a way to travel through the time stream," Chrovos muses. "But perhaps, it may be best to wait. I'll need to pool some of my reserves to bring to you one of the time guns, as you call them."

"Right," Grif nods, looking down at Huggins. 

Despite just getting her back, he still wasn't used to how small she looked. It unnerved him, and he couldn't even tell if she was healing at all.

He just hopes that he made the right decision in the end.

"You'll still focus on healing her though, right?" he asks. 

Personally, he would much rather Chrovos spend all his time and energy healing her, but he'll need that time gun to uphold his half of the deal.

"Of course," Chrovos hums, gears continuing to turn in a steady rhythm. 

"Then sure, go on with that," Grif mutters.

He's half tempted to poke at her, but not only did he not know if that would hurt her or not, it probably just wasn't a good idea at all.

Looking up from his cupped hands, he gazed upon the room, wondering what he was supposed to do in the meanwhile.

There wasn't much of anything, just empty black space. 

He supposes he could speak to Chrovos, but he still didn't trust the titan as far as he could throw him, and seeing as he was currently immobilized that said a lot.

But the alternative is silence, and from his track record, he didn't do so well in isolation.

So talking to Chrovos it is.

"So," he starts. "What are you supposed to be exactly?"

"I am the lord over time," Chrovos responds. "But I figure you mean what I am specifically, I am the same as all the Cosmic Powers, a mere mass of code that has powers that mortals could only dream of."

"You're an AI too?" Grif asked surprised. "The way it sounded, the Cosmic Powers made you out to be some sort of alien figure, or whatever, that made them."

"No, that I am not," Chrovos says. "Would that have eased your mind? To know that the one you rely on is made of flesh and blood instead of circuits, my child?"

"It certainly would do you a few favors," Grif snarks, rolling his eyes. "Fucking AI's, can't stop fucking shit up for a single second, can they?"

"Yes, you seem to have had trouble with them in the past, haven't you," his voice sounds amused.

Turning his back to the clock amalgamation, Grif walks a few paces aimlessly, "You could say that again."

"It's just an interesting observation," Chrovos notes. "Almost as if, in the end, you've always been tied to us the same way we are tied to you."

Feeling appropriately perplexed, Grif says, "I'm not even going to pretend like I know what that means."

"Yes, of course," is followed by the silence of ticking.

“So, why make the Cosmic Powers if you’re an AI,” Grif can’t help but ask.

“I simply cannot stretch myself in too many places at once,” the AI explains. “The efficient solution was to make more- helpers to manage over time in my steed whilst I focused on other endeavors.”

“Then why the whole family aspect,” Grif asks, recalling how the Cosmic Powers had interacted with each other. 

“I’m sure you know how it feels to be alone,” the AI says. “I craved a family just as anyone would crave company, and now I am a father to all, a grandfather to most, or if I pleased, a mother or a grandmother.”

“Oh,” Grif says in surprise. That was slightly unexpected.

Well, perhaps not so unexpected. There was nothing that stated that AI’s  _ had _ to chose one gender, or any gender really. Church was based on somebody else, and well, the only other AI’s they had encountered had been Sheila and Santa, one of which was a tank and the other an alien made entity. 

Yeah, ok when put into that context it wasn’t so out of place at all.

“And the whole God theme was that intentional or not,” he continues.

“A mixture of both,” Chrovos admits. “I could have crafted them as individuals, but it was far more satisfying to incorporate human elements into them. Watching the development of your religions, that I would say, was one of the highlights of my time as your watcher.”

“That is not a conversation I’m willing to get into with you, no offense,” Grif says quickly, not really in the mood to discuss philosophy with an AI.

“As you wish,” the titan didn’t seem offended, but even if they had been, Grif didn’t really think he would care.

Glad that the conversation was over, even if he had started it, Grif lifts up Huggins, trying to see if he could hear any sign of her being alive.

She didn't have lungs so he didn't expect to hear soft breathing, but he expected something at least. Maybe a hum, like one would expect from electricity, or- fuck, he doesn't know, just  _ something. _

"Fuck," he mutters, lowering his arms again.

"Can't you hear her," Chrovos says softly. "She speaks quietly but there's a gentle hum. She is healing."

Focusing, and not hearing anything again, Grif settles on just saying, "Yeah, well, she better be."

"It must be tiring holding her constantly," Chrovos chimes in. "Perhaps I could alleviate your burden?"

Pulling Huggins close to his chest, he glares, responding, "Yeah, no I'm fine. Besides, you don't even have any arms, or whatever, so we're fine just as we are."

"You misunderstood me," Chrovos chuckles. "I merely meant, perhaps I could create a sort of... cradle, to hold her and heal her at the same time."

Narrowing his eyes at the terminology, and simultaneously shuddering at the creepiness of it, Grif thinks about it.

It makes sense, he can't very well hold onto her forever, plus at some point, his hands and arms are gonna get tired from being held in the same position for long periods of time. It also would have the benefit of allowing him to see just exactly how the titan would be healing her.

"A cradle would be fine, I guess," he begrudgingly agrees. "But I wanna see what it looks like before I put her down anywhere."

"It would only be natural," Chrovos acquiesces. 

Slowly in front of Grif streams of light start to appear, they lazily circle around each other, never faltering and consistently forming the shape of a small circular basket.

Thankful that it didn't look weird or some shit, Grif edged closer to it, noting how the light went from a brilliant gold to a vibrant blue, cycling through the two colors in a relaxing fashion. 

Bringing his hands over the edge, he lowered them towards the center, where he separated them to let Huggins softly float downwards, her form suspended by the constant streams of light, ensuring that she wouldn't settle deep into the platform. 

Confident that she wouldn't be hurt by the strange basket, Grif backs away, and satisfy himself with watching her pitiful light.

She'd get better. He'd make sure of it.

Glad to finally have his hands free, he looks around the room again, frowning. 

A quick head count will reveal to him that the only people who existed within this realm were him, Chrovos, and Huggins.

But there should have been at least two other people.

"Where are Doc and Donut," he asks, turning his attention back towards the prison.

"They are no longer within my realm of influence," Chrovos answers. "My wayward sons, uncontrollable and unreliable most of all."

"Oh yeah, how?" Grif questions, picking up on the tone of disappointment.

"While O'Malley seemed promising, in the end, he has failed me," Chrovos tsks. "I find it improper for me to focus any more time on the lost cause that he is. He shall stay where he is till someone takes responsibility to return him to his time. It is a fitting punishment."

"What about Donut," Grif noted the suspicious lack of the pink soldier in the AI's answer.

"He has disappointed me most of all," Chrovos answers.

That seems to be all that the titan will say about his teammate.

He can't stop the smirk that forms on his face at the thought of the pink menace finally using his ability to piss off anything and everything against Chrovos.

Grif could just give him a pat on the back for that.

So he hopes that wherever Donut is, he's having it much better than he is right now. 

* * *

"Starseeds, right?" Donut questions, breaking apart from the hug. "Do you think we'll still be able to reach them?"

"Hopefully," Wash offers before shaking his head. "I left in a bit of a rush, I didn't even bring one of the guns with me."

"Well don't worry!" Donut smiles at him, his arm snakes around to grab his own off of his back. "I just happen to have one with-"

His hands grab at air, and the smile slips off his face.

"Oh, I must have lost it somewhere," he's apologetic as he says that. "I'm sorry, I don't know how I could have lost it. It must still be in the place where Chrovos presides."

"It's ok, Donut," Wash settles his hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure, knowing them, the Reds and Blues will pop up out of the blue and we'll be back together in no time."

"Yeah, you're right, Wash!" Donut perks back up. "Even better, knowing them, they might have gone back to Iris, right? Perhaps we can go to them there and hope that they meet up with us!"

"You think the Cosmic Powers will let them leave Starseeds that easily?" Wash asks.

"Well, I'm the one who betrayed their trust," Donut purses his lips. "So hopefully they're not too mad at the others."

"So, the plan is we go back to Iris, wait and see if they'll pop up again, and if they don't we find some way to contact the Cosmic Powers, thinking that they'll be there," Wash starts to walk down the sidewalk, heading towards some unknown destination.

Donut follows him, noting at how different New Armonia seems. It's amazing at how much work could be done to a city in only a year. 

"So, what have you been doing? In Chorus I mean," he elaborates.

"I went to see Grey," Wash reveals, voice tinged with anger. "I got her to tell me everything that she and Carolina were keeping from me, about my condition."

"Oh, well, did she seem apologetic," Donut asks.

"Slightly," Wash nods, before sighing. "She said she didn't want to keep it from me, but Carolina was persistent that I didn't find out."

"What did you find out about," Donut walks forward so that they're standing side by side.

"Nothing that I didn't expect anyways, just more details about my condition and how being kept in armor lock affected me," Wash shook his head. "It doesn't seem like there's much to be done right now."

"But you're doing better now?" Donut asks as he sidesteps one of the lamp posts on the sidewalk.

"For right now," Wash says tentatively. "Grey told me that I should try to keep track of my lapses in memory, by asking those around me to help remind me of what I've forgotten and to assist me when I space out."

"Have you been alone for long," he asks, worried that no one would have been around to help the Freelancer.

Wash shook his head, saying, "No, not really. It's been maybe a few days since I left Starseeds, and I've spent it mostly in the care of Grey."

"Well, if you need someone to help out, you know I'm always ready to lend a hand for my friends," he says cheerfully.

"Thanks, Donut, that would actually be great," Wash shook his head and stopped in front of what looked like a rental garage for aerospace vehicles. "Here we are, this is the place where Carolina and I got a ride to Jax's set. We can get a ride to Iris from them."

"Wonderful," Donut smiles, clapping his hands together in excitement. "What are we waiting for?"

"Nothing, really I suppose," Wash says, staring off at a random neon sign.

Talking to the owners wasn't much of a problem, in fact, because of their part in freeing Chorus, they got a discount for a two-way ride to Iris and back. They weren't planning on leaving with the ship, but on the off chance that the Reds and Blues weren't there by their miracle luck, they would take up the ride and figure out how to get in contact with the Cosmic Powers from Chorus. Maybe Santa could help them in that regards, but it was up in the air at the moment. 

They're in the ship and on the way to the moon, when Wash turns to him and says, "I just wish that I could tell when I'm forgetting things, it's frustrating not knowing what I'm missing."

Donut puts his hand on Wash's knee and says, "Hey, don't worry Wash. I'll be here for you, and I'm sure the others will be too. We can remind you of the things you forget."

"Thanks," Wash says, his tone turning lighter as he says, "Hey did I ever tell you about my cat, Loki?"

Donut gasps, hands flying to his helmet as he exclaims, "I didn't know you had a cat!"

* * *

It's the hand on his shoulder that makes the snow melt and brings him back to awareness.

That's right. He wasn't on Sidewinder at all. They were in Temple's base again. But this time Grif really was gone. No cliff to look over, nothing to suspend his disbelief at the idea of his death.

Nothing but disappointment.

Turning he sees that Caboose is bending down to him, saying, "Simmons, are you alright?"

"I-" he starts put stops, swallowing harshly. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just-"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU," Kaikaina screams from her position on top of Tucker, hands beating down harshly against his chest plate. "YOU STUPID-"

"Kai, calm down," he frantically says, trying to grab a hold of her wrists, but she keeps wrenching them free, only to slam them down again.

"Calm down?!" she snarls. "You want me to  _ calm down? _ YOU STABBED MY BROTHER!"

"Yes- stop hitting me!" Tucker manages to topple Kai over, rolling over and away from her. He doesn't get far before Lopez grabs his shoulder and firmly pushes him to the ground, keeping him in place. "I'm sorry ok?!"

"You're saying that to the wrong  _ GRIF," _ Kai huffs and turns towards Carolina, who has stayed in place, staring down the barrel of Sarge's shotgun. "And you! This is all your fucking fault too!"

"I take-" Carolina's voice shakes as her helmet tilts down. "Full responsibility about what happened here."

"No," Simmons says, using Caboose as a crutch and standing up. "No."

"No?" Kai scoffs. "What, are you really siding with the people that stabbed your boyfriend? Or do you think Dex isn't good enough for you either, asshole?!"

There's a pang in his chest at her comment, and any other time he would dispute the fact that they weren't dating, but now isn't the time or place.

No. Now's the time for him to be very, very  _ angry. _

"No, you can't just  _ take responsibility _ for what just happened," he simmers. "You take responsibility when you break something, you take responsibility for chores, you don't take responsibility  _ when you stab someone." _

Responsibility. Fucking hell it made it sound so formal as if it was only a simple slight and not an egregious act of violence.

"Simmons," Carolina sounds guilty, and even Tucker has stopped trying to escape from Lopez's grasp.

"I don't want to hear it," he cuts her off. "I don't want to hear anything from you or from Tucker."

Everyone's silent and Caboose puts his hand on his shoulder. Simmons doesn't shake it off, appreciative of the gesture.

"I just want him back," his voice wobbles a tad. "And I don't care if the two of you don't want to help, but I'm going to take the time gun and go back to our time and call the Cosmic Powers for help, and if they decide that a punishment will be dealt out, I'm going to throw the two of you under the bus with  _ no hesitation." _

"We understand," Carolina responds, but Simmons doesn't care.

He goes to pick up the discarded time gun and he looks at it.

Grif had dropped this after he had been stabbed. Before he had fallen into that random portal.

He was probably bleeding out somewhere. Or maybe not since Tucker's energy sword must have instantly cauterized the wound. So still dying, just not from blood loss.

And Simmons doesn't know where he is.

He feels someone else approach him, and he's somewhat relieved to see that it's Sarge.

Even through the helmet, he can see the concern on the older man's face, as he says, "Come on son, we have a timeline to return to and a soldier to find."

"Yeah," he whispers, and without hesitation he opens up a portal to present day Iris, walking through it with his commanding officer.

Caboose is right behind them, but he takes a second to look but at Carolina and Tucker in disappointment before following after the Reds.

Lopez lets go of Tucker, and the aqua soldier stands up feeling dizzy on his feet for more reasons than just getting tackled.

He felt  _ horrible. _ Just felt God awful about what he had done.

"Kai," Tucker says softly, watching as Lopez stepped past him to go into the portal. "I really am sorry I don't know what came over me."

"Whatever," Kai sounds as if there were tears at the edge of her vision, the anger has faded as quickly as it came. "As soon as I get Dex back I'm taking him and leaving because I'm not losing my only family left to a group of unappreciative  _ assholes." _

She steps through the portal swiftly without looking back. 

Only Tucker and Carolina remained behind, but they too stepped through the portal. 

Simmons stared at the empty Red Base, a small layer of dust on top of everything.

But beyond the dust, it was perfectly clean.

No trash bags in sight, everything put away neatly, and he thinks to himself that it must have been Grif who did this. During that time where he left the group.

Simmons would have been proud had he not been missing him more than anything else.

"Do you hear that," Caboose mock whispers to him, pulling on his arm slightly. "It sounds like there's a ship coming onto the moon."

Simmons strained to listen over the howling, freezing winds that echoed in his head in place of anger.

It did sound like there was someone arriving.

He had a small hope that maybe, somehow, it would be Grif, all healed and not dead.

But he should know better to hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I can say with certainty that season 17 will not change the story of this fic majorly. At best, some lore will be changed and as we learn more about the Cosmic Powers perhaps things will be added into dialogue, but I don't predict too much happening in that regard. I say this since in the show the paradox happened, but here it did not, so that's the basis for this story really. I hope y'all enjoyed the newest chapter!
> 
> If you have any questions or just want to contact me, you can find me on either of my Tumblr's which are @agent-murica (main) and @amateurscribes (writing)!


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